Over the years, I have learned that good friends are not easy to come by. Back in the day, I always used to have a ‘best friend’. It changed ever few years, but there was always that one person who I could talk to about anything, and no matter what we were doing, good times were always had. While there is nothing when you are 6, 10, or even 14 (when I was a kid anyway), that is so earth shattering that you would need a confidant, it’s different once you hit high school, and the need for that one best friend only gets worse from that point on.
You need to be able to talk to someone about your struggles, but just as important, is having someone to celebrate the good times with. Starting in high school, I used to cry EVERY year on my birthday. Well, in high school it actually wasn’t so bad. I would inevitably always have a rehearsal or performance on my birthday which both sucked and at the same time, took away all the birthday pressure. I never have birthday plans, partly because I don’t think anyone really cares to hang out with me. I always get an abundance of evites for these elaborate birthday parties, with 100+ invitees. I don’t think I even know 100 people. Meanwhile, hitting up Pizza Hut with my parents is usually the highlight of mine. Not that there is anything wrong with that. (Loser.) Thankfully, I have amazing parents!
Now of course, on the flip side, you need that person to call when you break up with your boyfriend, or have a fight with a friend, or just feel shitty about yourself, which unfortunately for me, is a common occurrence. Girl talk is important and I am lacking it big time. There is no one that I would tell my deep dark secrets to; especially without the fear of being judged. I judge myself enough; I don’t need it from other people.
I believe that everyone needs and deserves a ‘Gayle’. Minus, however, the bizarre gay lover rumors. I need someone that could be my right hand man. I need that person that would run my magazine if I had one. I need that person that would become famous just for being my best friend. I need someone I could hop in the car with and just drive across country bullshitting and laughing, and if need be, spilling my inner secrets to.
After talking to several people about this, to my surprise, I am not the only one lacking a best friend. And while that should give me some comfort, I remain envious of those who DO have one; especially since I always had one in the past. At least if you never had one, you don’t know what you are missing.
For now, I will continue truckin’ on, minus that best friend. Hopefully over time, I will learn that I don’t need one. And really, I could always just look in the mirror when I have good or bad news and tell myself. At least I know someone will be listening.